I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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