hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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