White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
