He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
