So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
