I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
