and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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