Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
