i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
