You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
