just come out here and I will go home with you...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
