He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
