she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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