Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
