happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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