Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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