i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
