Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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