I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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