Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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