He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
