There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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