I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
