If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The best revenge is premature balding
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
