I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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