Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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