He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
