There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
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You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
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He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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