I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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