Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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