discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
