420 ftw
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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