Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
