She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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