Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
