So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
