I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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