it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
