I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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