I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
