Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
