Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
