dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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