i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
