a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
