I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
