did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My penis needs a shock collar
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
