I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
