I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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