I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
