Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
