im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
