every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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