i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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