one might say we're banned from that church
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
