I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
