i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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