i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
