Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
