I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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