There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
