My liver just broke up with me...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I forget how to act sober
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