i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
