i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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