Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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