So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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