My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
