u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
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I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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