It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
