I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
