I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize