getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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