Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
