You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
