never play flip cup with pint glasses
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
