it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
